Seven Years in Tibet

"Christianity and Buddhism have much in common. They are both founded on the belief in happiness in another world and both preach humility in this life. But there is a difference as things are today. In Tibet one is not hunted from morning till night by the calls of 'civilization.' Here one has time to occupy oneself with religion and to call one's soul one's own. Here it is religion which takes up most room in the life of the individual, as it did in olden days in the West."
-Heinrich Harrer

I don't want to start comparing Christianity and Buddhism, but I've had a huge respect for Tibetan monks since a group came to Salisbury for the international arts festival last spring (I think I blogged about it). I was able to attend a workshop with them at the college. I don't believe they know the Truth that matters, but there are some things I think they've got right. Using the arts to worship being one of them. And I just finished reading Seven Years in Tibet and the Tibetans' faith is really amazing. Unwavering. Never doubting. Or at least it was. This is pre-Chinese invasion. I don't know what Tibet is like now, but it is highly probably that they have lost the lifestyle described in the quote above, with the invasion of "civilization."

(I read the book after seeing the film by the way. I recommend the film, as long as you are aware that "based on a true story" means 95% fiction with a tiny sliver of truth. I was a little disappointed when I read the book and realized this. )

Photos taken May 2005, Salisbury Cathedral

POLICEWOMAN SHOT DEAD

This was the headline on Saturday's national papers. One policewoman was shot and killed and another injured, I think in West Yorkshire. And that, believe me, is big news. (well it certainly beats Kate Moss's drug problem being front page news for a whole week)

This is the seventh woman police officer to die on duty. Ever. (And only a few of those were intentionally killed). Because they just don't have people running around with guns in this country. Do you know that the police don't even carry guns here? (except for certain armed police) That still blows me away. Can you imagine an American police officer even thinking about going out unarmed? My Gran says she doesn't like watching my American programs (like CSI) because they seem like fairy tales. "Everyone's running around with guns." She can't get her head round it. And in the same way, I keep thinking that the police dramas on telly are set in the past. And then I realize they're not, that today the police force is out there with only a club.

Things like this always make me think, what has gone wrong in America? Why can this nation be utterly shocked by the news of a police officer being killed, while I would have barely blinked an eye? I don't know anything about gun control laws, but what has happened? Why are there so many guns on the street? And why have we accepted it? I am only just realizing that people shooting each other is not normal. So much of it happens in parts of America that I'm desensitized. I'm not shocked at all. (I wonder if this is also due to TV and movies.)

So, I'm not sure if there was a point in there, but I'll just say I'm proud to be a citizen of a country where people aren't getting shot every day. And I hope the police don't have to start rountinely carrying guns.

Yipee!

Mandy's coming! Mandy's coming!
Mandy's coming! Mandy's coming!
Mandy's coming! Mandy's coming!
Mandy's coming! Mandy's coming!

A bit calmer

Hey ... thanks to everyone who posted some encouragement (here and on xanga). I felt much better after that rant. So thanks for listening.

It's been a much better week. I guess nothing's really changed, but if I avoid thinking about things too much then I'm fine ;) Probably not the best solution, but all I can manage right now.

I am actually dreading being in Cincinnati for Christmas. I've been able to avoid dealing with my parents' divorce until now, but everything's going to hit me full force when I get there. Them both being in new relationships. My family not being together for the holidays. Being put in the middle, having to split my time ... ok, I'm getting depressed again thinking about it. I really don't want to deal with it. But we can't avoid things forever. Well, we can, but it's not very healthy.

So I'm going to be really glad to escape to Akron/Canton for a couple days ... Is anyone going to the New Year's Eve thing at the Green Campus? I should be there :)

Our students make me smile :) How can it not melt your heart when a young lady is bouncing around with her little curls going "You're wonderful you are! And you're lovely! You're the best!" Or a quiet student sitting next to you taps you on the shoulder and says "You're very pretty Chloe." Or when someone wants me to watch them swim a length in the pool and tell them how well they did. Or students who can't speak but communicate so clearly through dance and mime. And are really, really good at it. Or the student who kept barging into our staff meeting to collect our coffee cups (he didn't care if we were finished or not!). They're so lovely and really help you keep your sense of humor. (And I'll just leave it there, with only the positives ;) )

#*%@

OK, my optimism has failed me. Everything sucks. Living with my Gran sucks, and that seems to be because I suck. My parents are divorced and Christmas is going to suck. Men suck. Relationships suck. It sucks that I'm not dancing. My job doesn't suck, but my employer definitely sucks. Thinking about the future sucks. All these things happening at once- that sucks. Not having anyone to talk to in England sucks. My selfish life sucks.

If you post any cliche comments about how much Jesus loves me or the joy of the Lord or hope or that everything will be fine, then you suck too. I know all that, right now I just need to kick and scream. I'm angry, I'm stressed, I'm hurting, I'm confused. Approach at your own risk.

Latitude

So, being farther north on the globe than Ohio... I'm still not quite sure how I feel about this. The plus side is that in the middle of the summer it's still light at 10:00, which is awesome. Of course, I kind of missed that by going to Turkey for the summer. And at the moment, it's completely dark by the time I finish work at 5:00 (maybe I should say 17:00). And there's still over a month to go before we get to the shortest days, when it's dark by about 4:00. It's really depressing, and kind of scary too. Shops here close at 5 or 5:30, so it's pretty deserted when I'm walking home after the library closes (email is my lifeline!) at 7, or after my course at work on thursdays finishes at 9, or walking up to line dance at 8 on wednesdays... it's funny, I never worried to much about walking around the ghetto of CrAkron at 10:00 at night, but walking through Salisbury at 6:30 is just plain creepy. Anyhow, I guess my point was- it's dark really really early and I don't like it.

Can I go back?

I want to go back to University. I'll even write all the stupid papers and reviews, just let me start every day with an hour and a half of ballet, and then go on dancing until 10:00 at night. I didn't want to leave because I knew I was not likely to have such an opportunity again. I loved it, and I still long to be dancing all day, every day. When I dance, I am at home. I am doing what I was created to do. For four years, I was able to experience dance as my life. It was natural, it was right. I want it back.



(I know I'm throwing a bit of a temper tantrum here)