Hope deferred

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life" -Pr 13:12

Right now I am really struggling with this scripture. I just don't understand how to protect your heart from the pain of an unfulfilled hope. Should we not dare to hope for anything unless we are 100% sure it is God's will? There are longings and hopes I hold deep in my heart, and they are only making me sick . . . but I can't seem to let go of them. And it doesn't seem right to just because they don't seem probable. The Word also tells us to pray with faith, that if we really believe God will grant our requests. What is the answer? To hope or not to hope?

Pics to go with "Kaleiçi" post

I got some film developed so here are a couple photos!

A view of Kaleiçi at night











And Iowa, my adorable, um, I mean, tough and formidable, posse of bodyguards ;)














Drew, Misch, and Eli

Pants (and I don't mean underwear)

I love this country. This week I bought a pair of linen trousers and they shortened them for me, right then and there. 15 minutes, no extra charge, and I had a pair of pants that FIT, meaning I didn't have to take a pair of scissors to them when I got home! I think I'll shop for more pants while I'm here.

London & 9/11

Just some short thoughts and observations about what happened in London (per Eric's request).

I don't really want to compare the 2 events as the bombings in London were not even close to the scale of the September 11 attacks. People still feel it deeply when it hits so close to home, but I think this will be forgotten much more easily than 9/11. The hardest thing for me was the memories of 9/11 that all the news footage brought back.

I did, however, notice a huge cultural difference in the reaction of the people I was around, compared to Americans' reactions in 2001. Some of my co-workers were really upset, crying just because it was so horrible, not because they knew anyone in London. So I got a room in the library to pray, and invited everyone in the department, about 20-25 people. Only one woman came, and she is a Christian. And this really surprised me. In America, so many people joined our prayers on campus and at church, so many that didn't believe. They flocked to churches for answers. They looked to God for comfort, even if they weren't really sure what they believed about Him. Most Americans call themselves Christians, even if they don't know what that means. In Britain, you don't get non-believing churchgoers. Those who aren't Christian know that they're not. I knew this, but still it surprised me when no one came to pray. And made me very, very sad. As Carol, who prayed with me, remarked, "Where do people who don't believe go for comfort? Who do they turn to?" Well, they go to the pub so they don't have to think about it. And I despair, because how do you reach a people who don't seem to want answers? They don't seem to need the hope that there's someone out there to hear them. They ask "Why?" but they don't seem to need anyone to ask it to. They're content to either drown their questions or make up their own answers. They turn off the television so they don't have to think about it. I can only pray that sooner or later, the questions become unavoidable and they have to face them. And I hope I can be there to show them the One who has the answers.

Kaleiçi (Old City)

Can I just say how much I love walking around Kaleçi at night? I'm so glad I was able to drag Iowa (the collective name of the 3 Iowa boys) out last night to wander. It brings back memories of walking through the same streets with my team 4 years ago. I love the people trying to get you to come eat in their restaurant or buy their merchandise, and the old buildings and narrow streets you can get lost in. The quote of the evening was from a guy sitting outside his jewelry store who said to us as we walked by, "Hello, I would like to take your money. Tell me how can I do this?" That was one of the best things I've heard in a long time. Anyhow, I feel very blessed that there are people here that allow me to enjoy Kaleçi at night as I can't walk around on my own (or rather, it would be highly unwise to do so). I hope to take advantage of this as much as possible this week before Iowa leaves. These gentlemen also make me miss college very much, hanging out in dorms and ministry houses, listening to people jamming on the guitar, etc. I often wish I could go back, stupid papers and all.

And this is where I wish my camera was digital so I could post some pics.

1 week down

Hey all! Turkey is beautiful, though very very hot, but I guess you get used to having sweat constantly dripping off you. Anyhow, just wanted to post a quick update on what I've been up to this week.

There's lots of short-termers here from several different places, so there's been a lot of cool people to work and hangout with. However, I didn't really come here to spend all my time hanging out with Americans, and they're all leaving at the end of the month anyhow, so hopefully I will start making more connections with Turkish people. I did spend all Thursday afternoon and evening with my friend Turkan, and it was awesome to see her after 4 years. There's been a few moments of just seeing how things have come full circle, where it's like, wow, I'm really back here. Wed was a service for all the short-termers here for the summer and we sang "God of Wonders," and the memories came flooding back of worshiping to that song with my team at Aspendos. At the same time, God's been reminding me that this is NOT going to be like my last trip. I tried not to have expectations for this summer, but I think I did have memories and images from my experience of Turkey rather than the place itself, and this summer is going to be a very different experience.

Speaking of Aspendos, I got to go back there on Friday night with the groups, and see the ballet Don Quixote. Awesome. And Saturday was a trip out to the ruins at Termessos, which was also really cool, and I was glad for a bit of hiking as I'd been feeling the need for some exercise. Oh, and this morning I had my first swim in the Mediterranean :)

In terms of work, last week I worked with a group from Texas doing a kid's camp at the Cultural Center for a few hours each morning. This week, if it ever gets sorted out, we should be doing some stuff with kids out in a village. I'm also leading some English conversation groups, which I find challenging, but they're going fine. And I'm spending some time training in the coffee house because when one of the volunteers leaves at the end of the month I'll be taking over in there for August.

So that's kind of what I've been doing so far, next time maybe I will have some deep insight or reflection to post ;)

Hello from Turkiye!

Just thought I would post to say I am safe and well here in Antalya. I have been kept busy so far with kids camp, teaching English conversation classes, and meeting people. So this afternoon I finally have a chance to wander around and explore! I'll try to keep this updated often, but keep me in your prayers. I think this will be a challenging summer.

London

Well, I had planned to post about how proud I was of London for winning the 2012 Olympic bid, but now I just ask you to pray.

July 4

Happy Independence Day everyone! Unfortunately I had to go to WORK because it is not a holiday here. But at least I will celebrate it at a line dance tonight. It's funny, quite a few line dancers are a heck of a lot more patriotic than I am (which isn't saying much). Except I mean patriotic towards America, which is a bit weird. Well, at least they think I'm cool because I'm from America and America is great. I wish I could share their enthusiasm, but I'm more likely to roll my eyes.

I am, however, enthusiastic about country music, and British country music just shouldn't happen. The accent really doesn't work.