Hope renewed

Shortly after getting back from Turkey, a couple things happened that caused hope to be reborn in my heart, after releasing an unfulfilled hope I had been holding on to for too long. And I found that I was afraid of it. One of these things was seeing an advertisement for a Xian dance company in London looking for a couple dancers. At first my heart soared, but then I found I was telling myself it was a long shot. That it wouldn't happen, I'm out of shape, they'll be too good, etc. Actually, I'm still struggling with trying to protect my heart against this hope. I shouldn't do this- I must hope. (By the way, I took company class with them 2 weeks ago and I will be invited to the audition in December.)

In the other thing, I have dared to hope. I find that as it comes closer to being realized, hope fills my heart until I feel as if I will burst. Doubt tries to creep in, but I choose to believe. I believe Lord, that you will give me the desires of my heart! I will hope, though the anticipation is overwhelming me. Though the deferring of hope is stretching me until I can stretch no more. Though the denial may crush me. Though the reality may be different than the dream.

I will hope.